She snuggles her face hard into my chest, her knees tightly curled up to her stomach. I can feel her shaking and her tears rolling onto my skin. I rub her back gently and tell her that I’m sorry I can’t make her feel better and that I love her, in hopes that these words will somehow make a difference. This is the first test of my strength as a mother but sadly I know it will not be my last. My baby is in pain. The new diet of solids is taking it’s tole on her stomach.

I go through the list a suggestions my mommy-group friends have made, bicycles with her legs, belly massage, water, breast milk, back rubs, warm bath, squatting position and prunes. I wish so badly to take her pain away, why can’t I be sick instead?

After much grunting and cries the tears and shaking suddenly stop. A small smile crosses over Abby’s face and my husband and I breath a sigh of relief. Then the real test…what’s in the diaper. Sadly nothing more than a raisin. We are not through yet.

The ever present mom-guilt is there in the back of my mind of course, telling me it’s the food I’m feeding her…my fault. I take a vow to ensure that prunes are now a new daily food. I don’t want to do this again.

The smiles are now fading and I can see a pained expression slowly crossing Abby’s face. It begins again…

Never have I been so sad to see an empty diaper, and when it finally comes, a full diaper. The joys of parenting!