books, books and more books…

20140331-115328.jpg
Books have always been very important in both my life as well as my husbands.  From a very young age I can remember books playing a large role in most of my memories.  Memories of my sister reading books to me under the sheets at night, my Dad making up funny voices for the different characters and my Mom pulling out old books from her childhood and reading to me when I was sick. Books have always been there for me to take me away from my home to magical far away places.

Reading however did not always come easy for me. I often struggled when I was young with making sense of the letters. I remember how easy it was for my sister to pick up any book and become lost in the story. Although I loved to be read too, it wasn’t until I was about ten or so before I fell in love with reading to myself. Charlotte’s Web was the first book I read entirely on my own. I can clearly remember finishing the last few pages sitting in the car at the cottage, not wanting to get out to play until I was done. From then on I have been hooked.

As I got older I kept this love of reading. For more than seven years I worked at Chapters bookstore.  It was there that I began to collect my books. My library soon grew and took over my whole bedroom. We now have bookshelves full of books covering our basement walls.

This love of books was something I really wanted to pass onto Abby. When I had my baby shower I requested books instead of cards from people. I badly wanted Abby to have a library full of adventures as well. Friends and family brought in their favourite books from their childhood with messages written inside for her. These books are treasures that I hope Abby will appreciate as much as I do.

There is an old saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This seems to be true with Abby and books. She has become quite the little bibliophile reading books everyday. I only hope that this love of reading last for the rest of her life.

sitting on my hands…

20140331-200148.jpgSometimes the most difficult thing to do is nothing.  Maria Montessori is quoted saying ‘Teach me to do it myself” and this concept is part of the foundation for her popular form of education for young children.  It is better to teach the child to complete the task themselves, than it is to continuously help them to do it.  As easy as this sounds it can be quite tricky.  It is faster to quickly tie up a young child’s shoe laces, for example, than it is to watch them painfully struggle to do it themselves.  We are so often in a hurry during our day that we see these interruptions and interference in their tasks as us adults being helpful.  Sadly, unbenounced to most, we are not only doing our children a disservice but we are also telling them that we don’t believe that they are capable of accomplishing these things themselves.

Although I am a trained Montessori educator I still find it difficult to allow Abby to struggle.  I often catch myself reaching my hands out to help her with a toy or to move an object out of her way while she is attempting to crawl.  I must remind myself that the more I sit on my hands the more she is able to use hers to explore her world.

baby bumpers and other dangers…

photoI have always thought of myself as a cautious and level headed individual. I like to weigh the options and all possible consequences before making a decision. Having a baby has greatly increased this cautious sense in me. I pride myself on ensuring that I am as educated as possible when it comes to the safety of Abby. I read multiple reviews online, check consumer reports for any glaring failures on the part of the manufacturer, try as much as possible to purchase items made in Canada, and of course ask everyone for their opinion (the last one is not always the best idea!)

Yesterday I was at one of my baby groups and I had one of those heart wrenching moments when you feel like a ‘bad parent’. We were talking about getting our little ones to sleep and I spoke about Abby’s new nap time routine (which is going quite well if I do say so myself). I made a joke about how she tosses and turns and chatters to herself, even pulling her bumper pads on her crib down to take a look around the room. I could feel the disapproving looks from some of the mothers, as well as the nurses who act as our facilitators. My face slowly began to get red and hot. As a natural instinct I snuggled Abby in closer, as though she would somehow protect me from their judgement. To my relief some moms also grew red and I knew they felt the same as me.

My fidgeting must have given away my thoughts and one if the nurses calmly stated that new studies have found that babies have a much higher chance of suffocation than any injury they could obtain from a limb getting caught in the bed. This had been my fear, the thought of trapped limbs had haunted me.

How had I missed this? For the last seven months I had been placing Abby in suffocation risk! I was a terrible mother! So here I sat wishing more than anything to sink into nothingness and disappear, and then from the corner if the room a voice pipped up. It was one of my friends. ‘I kept bumpers on the cribs of both my two children. No matter what you do you are endangering your baby. You just need to do the best you can.’

After these words it was as though a sudden cool breeze washed over me, all the feelings of failure were gone. I knew that I always do what I think is best for Abby. Needless to say the crib bumper pad is now bagged up in the basement!

tummy troubles…

20140302-213924.jpg

She snuggles her face hard into my chest, her knees tightly curled up to her stomach. I can feel her shaking and her tears rolling onto my skin. I rub her back gently and tell her that I’m sorry I can’t make her feel better and that I love her, in hopes that these words will somehow make a difference. This is the first test of my strength as a mother but sadly I know it will not be my last. My baby is in pain. The new diet of solids is taking it’s tole on her stomach.

I go through the list a suggestions my mommy-group friends have made, bicycles with her legs, belly massage, water, breast milk, back rubs, warm bath, squatting position and prunes. I wish so badly to take her pain away, why can’t I be sick instead?

After much grunting and cries the tears and shaking suddenly stop. A small smile crosses over Abby’s face and my husband and I breath a sigh of relief. Then the real test…what’s in the diaper. Sadly nothing more than a raisin. We are not through yet.

The ever present mom-guilt is there in the back of my mind of course, telling me it’s the food I’m feeding her…my fault. I take a vow to ensure that prunes are now a new daily food. I don’t want to do this again.

The smiles are now fading and I can see a pained expression slowly crossing Abby’s face. It begins again…

Never have I been so sad to see an empty diaper, and when it finally comes, a full diaper. The joys of parenting!